I wish I could punch you in the face.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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