you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
