I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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