I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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