put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ladies don't puke and tell
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
