i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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