I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
