I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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