Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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