i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
