Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
