if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize