I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
