you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
