I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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