I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
