That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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