Pappa wants mamma naked
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
