Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
