She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize