ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
