This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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