It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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