drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
