The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think my moral compass just broke
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
