Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
