Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize