Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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