I want to have your abortion
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
