Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
