Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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