Say something about gay babies.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
