considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the day after is always just damage control
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we should paint friendship bongs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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