Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
