did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
