she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
