i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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