Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
