Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
