so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
