Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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