I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I faked an abortion last night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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