oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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