I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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