he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
