went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
