Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
