I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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