I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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