I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
