I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
