Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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