I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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