I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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