im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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