I'm so fucking centered right now
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
love makes seman taste better
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
