I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
