i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
