i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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