He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
