dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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