He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
