The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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