It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
