your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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