While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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