is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
